Making A Midlife Career Change

It's never too late to make a career change. Here are some tips to help you get where you want to go:

• To begin your search, visit your city's employment office. They never have any jobs you'd actually want, but sometimes they have free coffee.
• If you are married and have children, it may prove difficult to change careers while maintaining financial stability. Consider moving across the country in the middle of the night and assuming a new identity.
• You were born to be an insurance claims adjuster, and the stars know it. Chase that dream.
• Switching to a brand-new field is a great way to reexperience that lost, helpless, fish-out-of-water feeling that sickened you so in adolescence.
• Why not sink your life savings into self-publishing a book of essays about your reflections on aging? There's a gold mine for ya.
• Attack your search for a new career head-on. Use a blunt, bludgeoning weapon and emit a blood-curdling shriek while charging forward.
• Know what you would be good at? Writing movies. After all, you watch a ton of them, and it's just thinking up stuff for people to say.
• It's easy to go from store greeter to grocery bagger if you just believe in yourself.
• You're never too old to go back to college. It's just that you're way too old to fit in socially in any way.
• Going from professional dancer to welder is the reverse of the traditional path. But you must do what you must do.
• Having the right mental attitude is the first step. Try not to think about how old, pathetic, and unqualified you are.